葡萄藤

第七十八期二○○○年十二月

主編的話		鄭懿興
神父的話		陳兆望神父
尋找永恒－初信見證		陳曉茗
六品記－召叫		伍國超執事
你不能說“不”		朱嘉玲
復元感恩記		袁姐
Age of Conscious		Jennifer Louis Yen
愛是家庭成長共融的基礎和動力		朱蒙泉神父
新書介紹		許王瑞昌
聖本篤祈禱法		祈禱會
The Greatest Thing I’ve ever been a part of		George Chang

主編的話鄭懿興　　原本提出這期的主題是“人生的召叫”，因為這是我個人一直很有興趣的題目，但並沒有太大的回應，所以這期還是叫“無主題”吧！　　然而仍是有許多好文章要介紹給大家。“尋找永恆”是陳曉茗姊妹寫出她個人在過去數年內在和外在的變化。一些事件的發生，把她推向一個方向走去，這是天主的召叫。 “六品記──召叫”則是轉載自“暖流”－羅省華人天主教中心月刊的文章，轉載的另一部分原因是我想跟大家介紹關於執事的課程。“你不能說不”是由朱嘉玲姊妹執筆，為 “葡萄藤”不定期介紹教宗文告及教廷動向的專欄（專欄名稱尚在醞釀中）。我們雖然是一個地方教會，也是整個教會大家庭的一肢體，不能不了解整個大家庭的意念和動向。 “復元感恩記”是袁姐與我們分享天主對他們家的恩惠。顏伊嫻（Jennifer Louis Yen）的 “Age of Conscious” 是我個人覺得很感人、也希望各位家長們看了能介紹給小朋友們看的文章。我想，除了中文學校，宗教教育的老師們和家長們外，我們似乎很少有機會和我們的青少年接觸。作為生長在美國的華裔美國人，他們面對的是什麼樣的環境？家庭教育和學校、社會教育對他們的衝擊和影響是什麼？信仰在他們生活中扮演著什麼樣的角色？我很有興趣知道。從不同時期看同一本書，有不同的感受中，Jennifer往內看到了真實的自己。如同天父接納和愛每一個不完美的我們，並賜下我們所需（而未必是我們所要），她也學會了珍惜。朱神父在“愛是家庭成長共融的基礎和動力”，簡要的介紹整個心理學發展的歷史，ＥＱ－一個現代人常提的名詞，和對家庭成長的理論基礎。“新書介紹”是從本期起新增的專欄，由許媽媽和李蒞莉姊妹輪流執筆。我們的圖書館每月大約會收到二至十本新書，是個雖小卻內容豐富的圖書館。希望經由持續的介紹，能使更多人注意到和利用圖書館，也參與幫忙圖書館的維護工作。“祈禱的饗宴”本期介紹聖本篤祈禱法給大家。可愛的陳九仁告訴我們這個暑假最好玩的事。張紹曾（George Chang）第一次寫出他和蕭爺爺之間的故事時是用英文寫的── “The greatest thing I’ve ever been a part of”，他媽媽（朱嘉玲姊妹）將它翻譯成中文，也是一篇很感人的文章－“駕駛座上的聖神”已刊登在葡萄藤第76期。然而，我們也希望我們的青少年能看到這篇文章。我個人不會將葡萄藤劃地自限在中文刊物，我們編輯群也已通過英文投稿的編輯辦法。每一個孩子（和成人）都是一個獨特的個體，有獨特的成長過程和感情。也許英文已經成為他們較熟悉、較能用來表達的文字，但這不會影響我們之間的關係，他們仍是我們團體的一部分，“葡萄藤”是我們共同的心聲園地。　　此刻，也正是我個人卸下大傳組長的時候。在此特別感謝前任組長楊治財姊妹、陳神父和我所有的工作夥伴。楊小姐是個熱心熱情的人，常幫我處理許多我沒注意到或無法兼顧的事務。神父則一直對大傳組很支持和愛護。而因為所有工作夥伴的支持，使我們能共同在這一年內完成一些事，我個人由衷感謝，並希望大家也都能支持新任組長毛文群姊妹像支持我一樣。我和所有葡萄藤的工作人員都有一個共識，就是希望葡萄藤能夠像一個活泉，不斷地有新人加入，帶來新的構思來豐富這個屬於我們的真實心聲和原創性的刊物。為此，希望有興趣加入葡萄藤工作的人，勇於和我們聯絡。這是一個志願工作，然而我學到了許多一個人在實驗室跟試管燒杯學不到的事情，開拓了我的世界，得到許多意想不到的友誼和互相了解。希望你也喜歡葡萄藤──這許多人的心血結晶，並樂於將它分贈親友，使更多的人能認識天主，認識我們的教堂和我們的信仰，使葡萄藤成為真正的福傳刊物。

神父的話陳兆望神父　　我們常聽人們說：「天主在哪裡？我看不到，摸不著怎麼能相信呢？」又說：「既然天主存在，為什麼世上還有那麼多不平等的事？」…… 　　的確，世上有許多事物是看不到，必須通過其他事物而間接知道他們的存在，假如宇宙沒有一位偉大的創造者─上帝－的存在，宇宙又如何有條不紊的運轉？　　天父派遣了祂的獨生子──耶穌，取了人的形像，降生成人。聖誕節乃是慶祝和平之主──耶穌的誕生，因著祂的來臨，萬民才能得享真正的平安，所以天使們唱著：「天主受享光榮於高天，主愛的人在世享平安。」（路二：14）　　在現代的生活中，我們享有醫療保險、人壽險、汽車保險、房屋保險，出門旅遊還有平安險……，雖然這些能給我們某種程度的保障，但終究不能完全滿足我們，仍有不安的感覺。我們唯有學會將自己交託於主，而且全心信賴。我們既然知道在主內才可得到真正的平安，那麼首先，我們要藉聖神的助佑時常祈禱，聽從天主的旨意，讓祂進入我們的日常生活中，如此，我們才能享受到真正的平安與喜樂。　　最後，敬祝每位主內的兄弟姐妹聖誕節快樂！

尋找永恆──初信見證陳曉茗　　今天是感恩節後的第二天，難得休息在家，應該把初次和主相遇的經歷整理出來。從踏上信仰之路迄今已五年有餘，除了今年的一次公開見證外，從來沒有寫過一些什麼，對我來說似乎有些不可思議，但見證實在不是我在弄筆，而是聖神的作工，所以沒有聖神的作工我什麼也不能作。　　我經歷到天主的救恩要追溯到五年以前我來美國後心靈最黑暗的一段時期，我把當時的我叫作“活死人”。造成這種狀況的原因是因為不堪忍受當時生活和環境的壓力。現在回想起來，也是因為我個性的依賴和軟弱，生活中如果沒有主，我不知道很多關卡我會怎麼走過來。　　我自幼成長在一個人見人愛的環境裡，物質不富裕，而且可以說很貧乏，但生活對我來說卻是樂不可支，因為我感受很多來自於父母、師長和同學的愛。可奇怪的是到了20歲生活對我來說不再是一件快樂的事，儘管在別人眼裡，我是生活的寵兒，該有的我都有了，可是我能深切的感受到內心的不滿足。在當時以為這種不滿足是來自於外在的東西，所以拚命的追求在別人眼裡以為好的東西，我把自己的價值觀建立在外在的擁有上。到了美國就出了問題，因為我本以為對我有價值的諸如學歷啦，工作啦，地位啦，人際關係啦等等都沒有了，我的心理就出現了危機。記得我來美的初衷是讀個碩士、博士，找個好工作，受人尊敬，發點小財，回國時能向家人、師長和同學證明我還是這麼優秀，沒有讓你們失望。可是事與願違，三次托福我都沒有通過，讀書無門只得去餐館打工。我記得和我同時來美國的朋友一個個從學校出來，貽d始過上安定的生活，可我還在餐館逛蕩，當時我非常消沉，對自己的信心和對未來生活的夢想也貽d始有了懷疑，深切地體驗到自己的渺小、無能和無力。我也開始經歷到外在一切的短暫和虛空以及人生的悲哀。短暫是因為我賴以生存的，以此為榮的諸如職業、友誼，因為環境的變遷統統可以被拿走，由此可見，一切努力都是虛空，人生是一場虛空的遊戲，那種心靈的吞噬和痛苦我一輩子都忘不了。　　在那段歲月裡我開始問一個問題，就是對我來說生命的意義在那裡？我未來的歲月裡我想做什麼而又能做什麼，而這些事對我來說是充滿意義的。為此我苦思冥想，我試著去做各種各樣的事，打工、賺錢、交朋友、扶養孩子。在不斷的繁忙中我反問自己，假如我整日整夜的打工、賺錢，有許多錢，有富裕的物質生活，那麼我覺得有意義嗎？我的回答是否定的，金錢並不能給我生命的意義。那麼整天的交朋友、玩樂有意義嗎？有朋友一起熱鬧時當然非常愉快，尤其是遇上知己，但朋友給你的快樂是暫時而不是永恆的。那麼養孩子有意義嗎？是的，養孩子確實很有意義，特別是孩子時不時的從學校拿回一些獎品時，你覺得你的努力沒有白費。但孩子總有一天會長大，離我而去，尋找本該屬於他的生活，就像我遠離我的父母一樣，所以孩子給予我的意義僅僅是生命意義的部份而不是全部。而對這些全無實質意義的東西，我煩燥，我百無聊賴，我對做任何事都打不起精神，因為生命在我面前失去了它的光明，失去了本該有的意義。後來我突然發現我需要屬於我的永恆的信仰，屬於我的永恆的精神力量，這種信仰和力量能夠伴我度過快樂，走過艱辛，體味屬於我的人生意義。恰在這個時候，有一個傳教士來到我的面前，告訴我上主的信息以及祈禱的力量。在萬般孤寂和失落中我想像著有一個神生活在天際，祂能保佑和慰藉我，給我力量。我向祂訴說我的苦惱、我的不安，居然很靈，我不再煩惱，內心充滿平靜，也充滿力量。儘管這樣，我對神的概念仍很模糊。但我已懂得祈禱能給我心靈的慰藉，讓我重新鼓足力量感受到生命的意義，世界萬物的美好。後來，那位傳教士的母親給我來信。她在信中簡述了自己的心路歷程，並告訴我她不但在教會裡學好了英語，更重要的是從每天例行的經文研讀及祈禱中得著生命及生活所需的答案及方向；她還告訴我她堅信聖靈會指引、慰藉及保護我們每一個信祂的人。哇！她的這些話，字字句句敲打在我的心坎裡。這就是我日夜苦思冥想的東西；這就是我一直想尋找的信仰和力量。就在這時我拿著信，從心底裡發出呼喊：我要受洗加入教會！我對上主說儘管目前的我對您還沒有完整的認識，但我渴望著能像那位姐妹那樣在不斷的研讀聖經和祈禱中得著生活及生命所需的答案及方向；並且誠心誠意的去感受聖靈的指引、慰藉及保護；希望有一天能像她那樣時時感受到您的指引及祝福和學會聆聽您給我的日常啟示。　　那一年我被召喚受洗的日子剛好是父親節。我還清楚的記得從進入水中的那一刻起我開始流眼淚，不能自抑，一直到按手完畢，我還是不停的哭。覺得這樣流眼淚實在不好意思。一等受洗結束，我就跑出來，躲在汽車上，放聲大哭，足足哭了一個小時。想想小時候，在成長過程中被父母親深深的愛，尤其是父親，那一種和父母之間的靈性交流是我生命中最為寶貴的時光。但是我清b在被更大、更深、更廣的愛所觸摸，祂要永遠伴著我，在我未來生命旅程中的時時刻刻上。一體驗到這些我又是痛哭，不能自抑。　　接下來的日子我記得那位姐妹又給我來了一信，敘述她喜樂的心情以及問我受洗後的感受，記得當時我給她回過一封熱情洋溢的信。我當時的信是這樣寫的：“非常抱歉沒有及時回信，因為我暫時還理不清自己靈性上的變化，只知道我受洗後的心情常處於激動和幸福之中，好像又回到了我父母身邊，找回了那份曾經擁有過的令我非常快樂的愛。讀聖經好像又聽到了父親在耳邊的諄諄教導以及至今仍令我念念不忘的那種靈性交流的幸福。信仰上帝重又讓我找回了那個熱愛生命和熱情向上的自我，重又覺得上帝創造的一切是多麼美好，它使我比較容易接受和理解當前我所面臨的一切困難和窘境，這在獲得信仰之前對我來說是多麼困難。我不再要求自己和丈夫是完美無缺的人，相反卻用我的努力和愛心去做我應該做的事。我常常覺得上帝在我身上所作的一切簡直是一種奇蹟。我常常在心裡把您叫作‘親愛的教母’，因為是您的教導讓我重又找回了尋尋覓覓了幾年的那份熱情、愛心和自我，而這份熱情、愛心和自我對我的生命是多麼的重要，它是我生命和幸福的源泉，沒有它我的靈性就會枯萎和死亡，生命就會在我面前失去它本該有的意義。” 　　這就是我當時受洗後的強烈感受，我至今仍能感受到當時心靈的悸動，神的大愛這樣真切的臨在我的身上，而且永遠不會消失。祂不會因為世事的變遷而變遷，祂也不需要你作任何努力，唯一的條件是你求。你告訴祂，天父我要，祂就來到你的身邊，成為你生命的源泉，直到永遠。　　在後來的歲月中，我也常常跌倒，常常遠離神，但每次都是祂輕輕的把我托起，信仰的根基也隨著環境的試煉一點一點的建立起來。　　這就是我所找到的永恆。親愛的朋友！如果你有煩惱和失落，請來到主耶穌基督的面前，向祂求，依靠祂，祂必成為你的磐石，你的依靠，直到永遠！阿門！

六品記──召叫執事伍國超　　我與不少的神父、修女閒談過，幾乎每一個人都非常確定天主的「召叫」，有些人故事非常神奇，有的人卻在平凡中聽出天主的聲音而跟隨他，我的召叫也很有意思。　　我並不是一個可以在公共場合暢談無阻的人，許多時候我沉默多過談笑，我亦沒有強烈求取成功的野心；許多時候碰到事情太棘手，我寧可打退堂鼓，這樣的人適合主召叫的條件嗎？　　我在澳門出生，十六歲因港澳暴動，全家搬到台灣，在那兒讀書、做事，卅三歲移民來美，我說的英語有很重的中國口音及聽得出廣東國語，然而廣東話也不夠道地。我常在想：一個傳教員需要用語言清晰表達天主的訊息，主為什麼選我呢？　　來美國後，追求的是發財，名成利就，就像許多中國人一樣，認為在美國只要肯努力就有出頭機會。我讀的是工商管理，沒想到來美的第二個月就在一家中餐館當侍應，一做就是兩年，後來與餐廳的二廚合伙開業，他主內我主外準備大展鴻圖。可惜選擇了一個市場差的地區，開業了半年毫無起色，最後也等了八個月才把餐館低價賣出。很快我找到一份報關行做會計的工作，三年後獲昇遷，薪水加了不少，工作壓力隨著增加，而我每月花的錢多過收入，最後的一年我的工作壓力愈來愈大，與上司相處開始有些齟齬，而我的信仰建基於天堂地獄教條式的概念，這樣的信仰不但幫不了忙，反而壓力更大。身體有各種症狀出現，偏頭痛、背疼、疲倦等，可惜我並未加以理會。直到有一天我在辦公室突然失去知覺，暈了過去，而在該月內竟連續發生四次之多；也曾在醫院住了一個星期作全身檢查卻查不出暈倒的原因。　　既然身體出了狀況，已沒有條件再繼續作發財的夢，只好留在家休養了九個月。神奇的是：這期間卻是我歸向天主的開始，由於一下子人生壓力減輕了，早睡早起、煮什麼吃什麼，一個月內竟重了十磅。我早上作些跑步、看看聖經、唸玫瑰經，內心比以前平靜。幾個月後內心企望在靈性上有所增進，準備參加一些教會內舉辦的「避靜」，卻無意中參加了一次王敬弘神父來美所主持的聖神研討會，獲得旨意神恩，首次聽到所謂先知語言，看到許多兄弟姊妹覆手後躺睡地上在聖神內休息。我既訝異天主教內有這樣的信仰活動，也是第一次強而有力的覺著天主存在我們中間。　　自此以後我連續幾年參與每週一次的聖神祈禱會，祈禱方式變得更深入動人，許多時候我感到主的存在，信仰生動活潑，說也奇怪，以前告解中一再犯的罪，已漸失去約束力，我理會到，我實在沒有能力抵抗誘惑不犯同樣的罪，但當我與主有更深入及親密的關係時，罪惡會連根拔起，無疾而終。我並且參加了堂區的青少年服務。　　在一次聖神同禱會，我們輪流為彼此祈禱，輪到為我覆手祈禱時，有先知語言說：「你是我的門徒」，有人有神視神恩，見到我跪在地上穿祭袍但卻不是平時神父所著的祭袍，後來多年後到我昇六品時才明白那是執事袍。同年九月在南加州全國聖神同禱大會的一個學習神恩課程中，當練習覆手祈禱時，一位有先知神恩的美國太太說了同樣的話：「你是我的門徒。」後來這位太太問我是誰，我答說只是一般的教友。我把這些訊息留在心內，半年後當呂神父問我是否要參加執事課程時，我開始了解這一切乃是天主的安排。　　執事課程安排豐富緊湊，包括心理分析、個人性格的建立與發展及自我成長；窮人、重病、監獄拜訪實習；人工生育、同性戀、安樂死、死刑、自殺等道德問題的深入研討；教會的成立及分裂的歷史及趨向；各大公會議的時代背景及影響；二次大公會議對現代教育的影響及其展望等等，課程琳瑯滿目。　　對我來說，收益最大的是與不同族裔同學四年的成長共處。我們這一期同學有一對波蘭夫婦、一對古巴夫婦、兩對西裔、一對黑人夫婦、四對美國白人、兩對菲律賓夫婦及中國人有朱康民夫婦與我。在不同民族習慣、不同個性中彼此砥礪，在聖神光照下，真是談到深處潸然淚下，說到精彩處拍掌同慶。同學間以真情相處，隔閡盡撤，每個人敢於將自我毫不掩飾地表露出來。這是我自小領洗後，在教會內難得遇到的成長機會。歸功於執事課程的成員有強烈使命感，課程安排內外兼顧，指導的神父、修女及執事謙厚幽默，不以專業自居，循循善誘，像主帶領祂的門徒，向他們作出傳播福音的挑戰，卻又給予成長的時間與空間。　　執事課程解決了我在神恩祈禱會成長到某一階段後靈性停滯不前的掙扎，及幫助我作了婚姻或獨身的選擇。執事課程的神師再三叮囑我們執事的優先順序：第一是家庭、第二是工作、第三是服務。由於選擇獨身生活，更須要建立每天祈禱的時間與方式。由於神父的日漸缺乏，我也為各地的教友團體祈禱，希望有人回應天主的召叫，申請此一多姿多采的執事課程，可以幫助堂區從事傳播福音的工作。　　（轉載自“暖流”－羅省華人天主教中心月刊，第二卷第一期）

你不能說“不” 朱嘉玲　　我們親愛的大家長教宗若望保祿二世在這二千禧年十月廿二日慶祝普世傳教節發表的文告中曾「由衷地呼籲所有領過洗的人，能謙遜而勇敢地回應主的召叫以及現代人的需要，成為福音的先鋒。」所有的基督徒，在他們領洗重生的那一刻，就成為主的兒女，也同時領受了司祭、先知和君王之職，在基督的奧體內執行他們的使命。其中“先知”一職就是要傳講福音，因為耶穌基督離世升天時對門徒們說：「……你們要去使萬民成為門徒，因父及子及聖神之名給他們授洗，教訓他們遵守我所吩咐你們的一切……」我們既是基督的門徒，豈能不依循師傅的教導行事？教宗文告中提及：「大家都被邀以不同方式，在教會內繼續耶穌的使命。這是一項榮譽：特別被召與基督一起完成祂自己的事業。……大家都被召合作，從個人的生活環境出發。……任何一個信友或教會的機構，都不得逃避向萬民宣報基督的崇高責任。……凡是感到與基督相遇的喜悅的人，不能把此喜樂放在自己心內，而該光耀出去。……我們應該深信福傳是對人類最好的服務，當我們使人類願意落實天主的計畫時，天主願意所有的人與祂合一，使人們成為一個兄弟之邦，沒有不正義而擁有真正的彼此承擔的情懷。……沒有一個人是窮得一點也不能給予的。例如以祈禱來參與傳教，無論是禮儀中的祈禱，或是在自己房間私下祈禱，藉犧牲和把自己的痛苦獻給天主來參與傳教工作。另外，也必要用經費來資助。……傳教活動是一種奉獻：為整個教會奉獻自己，奉獻物質的及精神的資源。」　　你自認為沒有口才嗎？你膽小嗎？你所知教理不夠豐富嗎？沒關係！凡是能閱讀此文也能說話的人，就一定可以對你的親友、同學、鄰居傳揚基督，不拘任何方式，但配合著你的生活見證與祈禱，輔以有關書籍、資料、錄音、錄影帶等以達到感化的目的。　　但願我們在身後交賬的時刻，天父判官不致執筆拍案，怒氣橫生曰：「非不能也，是不為也，拖下去……」編者按：如有教友有興趣了解普世傳教節教宗文告，請參閱 2000年10月15日的“教友生活週刊”第八版或洽朱嘉玲姊妹。

復元感恩記袁姐　　這一次千禧年，母親來訪達拉斯，正巧參加了基督活力運動，知道福傳與見證的重要，老人家想起了十幾年前父親重病住院，被聖母奇蹟式的治癒，使得母親急欲向人述說經過，彰顯天主的光榮。　　1986年12月8日父親中風，被送到榮民總醫院，經醫生檢查的結果得知，父親腦貧血，腦血管阻塞缺氧，使血壓居高不下，腰酸背痛，半身不遂，肺部大部份肺葉發黑，已纖維化。情況很危急，曾推至實驗室以電擊頭頂緊急救治。　　父親住院期間，一直需要人工幫忙來翻身，本身不能動，病床邊有加護欄杆圍著，以防萬一掉下來，母親就坐在床邊的椅子上陪著。眼看著那年的聖誕節，勢必在醫院裡度過了。　　就在12月20日那天子夜一點左右，疲憊的母親正在椅子上打盹，突被驚醒，發現父親的病床上空空的，一驚拔腿追趕出去找人，心想怎麼這麼快速度就被抬走了？抬頭一望，看到父親已經由自己睡的第三床走向門口，光著腳，雙手伸開，像是有人扶著一樣，大為驚奇。趕忙要扶他回床躺下，但他老人家執意不肯，一直想往外走，口裡不停地喃喃說著聖母要他起床：「你已經好了，起來！不要躺了！」他說全身潔白的聖母叫他起來，他就翻身下了圍杆的病床跟著聖母走出去。　　父親說什麼也不要回病房，母親只好扶著他走到護理室，去問值班護士剛才有沒有去查病房？護士搖搖頭說她一直沒有離開過值班室。這下子父親才隨著走回病房，可是從此不願再躺回病床上，就坐在旁邊看護的椅子上休息，等待復健。如此拗了三天，醫生檢查後一切都不錯，看到父親拗脾氣又不合作，就答應他可以出院，回家休養算了。　　從父親由榮總回來，天主又多延賜了十二年的生命給他，他才有機會在兩年前來美一遊，並了了我們祖孫三代的心願，讚美感謝上主的宏恩。

Age of Conscious Jennifer Louis Yen The other night I came across a book that I had been in possession of for quite a number of years. In fact, it had been a gift to me from a church member while I was still in high school. Since I was, as usual, unable to sleep at the time, I took the book off my bookshelf and opened it up. I was reading the stories inside when one of them hit me and took me by surprise. By the end of the story, I had tears welled in my eyes and I immediately went into prayer afterwards. The story involved a young woman who had died and gone to purgatory. While she was there, her guardian angel was showing her how to achieve the ability to enter Heaven. Since she was a newcomer to purgatory, she found herself covered with scales from head to toe. Her angel explained that these were the scales of sin, and the only way for her to enter Heaven was to rid herself of all of them over time. He taught her to read a large book, a book that contained the details of her life from beginning to end. As she read about all that God had done to make sure she lived a long life, she began to cry. As this woman came to terms with everything that she had taken for granted in her life, her scales started to fall off one by one. By the end, she was just as brilliantly lit as her guardian angel and was able to see God for the first time. I had read this story once before, when I had just gotten the book, but it really didn’t move me like it did this time. I thought about why that might be, and realized that the only thing different between that reading and this one was my age. I had gone to college for two years now and have seen the world in a totally new light. The world has become familiar to me, and all the workings of a daily part of my life. As I read the words on the page, my heart was filled with shame for doing the same thing this woman did in the story. I had also gone through life self-absorbed and taken everything for granted that God had ever done for me. I thought about what it must have taken to create me inside my mother’s womb: the careful selection of each of my parents, the watchful eye during the pregnancy for my safety and health, and the successful birth and beginning of my life. Every little step, from the very first, was supervised by God in every way. He gave me a family, a home, food, clothing, education, friends, and all sorts of other things that other people are deprived of in their lives. As I thought of my life growing up, I realized that God had never left my side, but made completely sure that I never lacked anything essential to my well-being throughout my childhood. I may not have had everything I wanted, but I had everything that I needed. My heart ached in shame when I thought of the countless times that I had prayed as a child for material things that my friends had but I didn’t, and remembered all the times that I would get angry at God for not answering my prayers. Every instance became glaringly clear to me, and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to hide. I had always thought that by the time I reached confirmation I would learn to appreciate God’s presence in my life, but through more self evaluation of my life, I realized that I simply changed the way that I ignored him. Instead of praying only when I wanted something from him, I just stopped thinking about him in my life. Everything was now what I was dealing with AT THAT MOMENT: school, friends, dating, and my emotional changes. Nothing else mattered but me and what was going on around me. If it wasn’t hanging out with my friends, it was worrying about my grades, or wondering how I was going to find the money to buy the newest fashion trend. I could do nothing but scold myself severely as I recalled these years, and more tears threatened to drop as I felt the heaviness of my own guilt. I saw how even recently I had made few attempts to correct my mistakes. Even when I would promise myself and God that I would always include him in my day, I always somehow managed to forget within a few days time. I was always too busy to do this or do that for my own religious development, and by the end it was something that only happened when I had absolutely nothing else to do. I had always thought I improved so much during that time, but as I looked back upon it with a careful eye, I found myself disgusted at my own behavior. By this time, my heart was ashamed and in pain for all that I had not done for God. I found that I could do nothing but get on my knees and pray for God’s forgiveness. I told him how sorry I was, how selfish I knew I had been, and cried for a little bit because of how sad it made me. As usual. God was his ever-loving self and brought peace to my heart and mind when I was through. The knowledge that after everything I had done to him, he was still thinking of me first put me through a fresh flow of tears. His love was always unconditional, but my love for him had been. I had never thought of myself as a horrible person before, but that night, I felt like the worst criminal in the world. I had betrayed again and again someone that would never leave me, someone who would always be there no matter what I did or say. Needless to say, I felt the urge to share my enlightenment with others. I know that with age comes wisdom, but it shouldn’t have to take so long to realize what has been there all along. So many of us have done what I have, and some continue to do so. I may only be twenty years on this earth, but the knowledge that I have gained is something that has taken since the dawn of time to understand: that God was, is, and always shall be the one thing that we should never go without, and that we should always treasure it like our own lives.

愛是家庭成長共融的基礎和動力 ──第四波心理學對靈性愛的詮釋朱蒙泉神父引言：凡是參加過“夫婦懇談週末營”的朋友們對這運動的歷史會很純熟地描繪說：「“夫婦懇談”（Marriage Encounter）源於1958年西班牙神父Fr. Gabriel Calvo利用心理學的原則與方法，幫助夫婦們做深入的溝通：因深入瞭解，進一步度共融相愛的生活。」換句話說：“夫婦懇談”的發展和心理學過去一世紀的演變有著很密切的關係。一、E.Q.和M.E. 　　高曼教授（Prof. Daniel Goleman）在1995年寫了一本“情緒智慧”（”E.Q.”）暢銷書，旨在協助我們學習： 1.自我察覺（Self-Awareness） 2.自我鍛鍊（Self-Regulation） 3.自我激勵（Self-Motivating） 4.同理心（Empathy） 5.社會技巧（Social Skills） 6.自我超越（Self-Transcendence）　　為我們參加過“夫婦週末營”的人一定發現，“夫婦懇談” 已實際在應用這些法術；更加上信仰和福音的價值觀，如龍添翼！　　若我們回顧心理學在過去一世紀艱辛地走過的路程，我們會更欣賞和慶幸手中擁有的法寶，也會深深感到自己所負的責任和使命，使更多人能善用這有效的法寶！二、心理學發展的四階段：“四波” 1. “第一波”心理分析鼻祖佛洛伊德（一）成就與貢獻：潛意識、本我、自我、超我（Id, Ego, Super-Ego）、夢的解析… （二）化約論詮釋：病態的、動物性的、泛性論的、悲觀論的，佛洛伊德希望應用自然科學的方法（舊機械論）與典範來解釋人的心理，結果約化了事實。他曾說：“人們對自由意志的信仰只是一種錯覺而已”。他認為：人是受慾力推動的動物。 2. “第二波”：行為主義代表Watson和Skinner（S-R）（刺激 Simulate & 反應 Response）（一）成就與貢獻：建立「客觀心理學」，使人的「行為」可以觀察、衡量、分析、解剖、分門別類、運用、預測和改造。　　Watson（華生）相信：「只要給我一打健全的嬰兒，在我設計的環境中撫養長大，不論他的天賦、才能、志趣及家族背景，我保證能夠任選其一，…訓練成：醫生、律師、藝術家、大亨…小偷。」（Pavlov亦如此相信）（二）化約論詮釋：以牛頓／笛卡兒的典範採用唯物論、機械論、唯物理論、決定論和化約論。　　結果：Watson說：「行為學者應將所有主觀性的術語從他的科學詞彙中剔除，如感覺、知覺、意象、慾望、目的，甚至思想、情感，讓我們把注意力集中在可以觀察的事物上，只為這類現象制定原則。」　　又說：「（意識）從未被人看過、碰過、聞過、嚐過或動過，它和古代的靈魂一般，都是未經證實的假設而已。」　　Skinner把自由意志驅逐出境，只因為「若想運用科學方法來研究人類行為，最基本條件應假定人不是自由的。」　　Erich Fromm評道：「學院派心理學有意模仿自然科學及實驗室中衡量計算法來處理一切問題…宣稱良知、價值判斷、認識善惡等只是形而上觀念，不屬於心理學的範疇…忽略了人類的特質：愛、理性、良知、價值。」人是環境的產物。註：佛洛伊德和華生在心理學上都有過貢獻，但都犯了「化約論」的錯誤。化約論者主張任何複雜現象如心理學，可以由分析現象內基本物理結構來解釋，例如：心理問題可用：S（刺激）－R（反應）的簡單程式來解釋。例如：情緒（憤怒）可由腺體分泌來解釋。 3. “第三波”：人本心理學代表馬斯樓 Maslow（Actuali-zation自我實現）（一）成就與貢獻：人本心理學稱為“第三勢力”或“第三波”。 (1) Binet首創「文字測驗」假設文字可以反映意識和內省。 (2) 完型學派（Gestalt）證實人的知覺的主動與創造性（Kohler）。 (3) “案主為中心治療法”創始人羅吉斯（C. Rogers）注重以尊重接納案主的心態作為治療的條件。 (4) 馬斯樓和蘇底（Sutich）在1961年創立“人本心理學刊”，更在1963年成立“人本心理學會”。消極方面：抵制化約派及非人性的典範。積極方面：專注於人的研究，強調人的尊嚴和其特殊能力如：「殉道、犧牲、愛情、幽默、藝術、美感、良知、罪惡感、理想以及詩歌、哲學、音樂與科學的成就」。強調創造力、健康、團體。（二）批評：馬斯樓在晚年發現：“自我基本上原是「屬於大我的部份」”換句話說：人類確有回歸這更大的整體的需求，因此深感人本心理學的不足。 4. “第四波”：超個人心理學（Transpersonal Psychology）（自我超越）　　1968年馬斯樓為準備美國心理學會會長致詞的講稿，曾在日記中寫道：“我所嚮往的乃是超越性的心理學，我覺得它極具開發的潛能…超乎人生或個人…的心理學，也就是第四心理學。” 　　1968年馬斯樓在“Toward a Psychology of Being”再版序中說明：“第四心理學即為超個人或超人本心理學舖路，它是以宇宙為中心，而不只注意人性需求或興趣而已。它超越人性、自我及自我實現等觀念…這一新的發展趨勢很可能會為日漸消沉的人們，尤其是年輕的一代「受挫的理想主義者」提供一具體有用又有效的答覆…缺乏超越的及超個人的層面，我們會生病、會變得殘暴、空虛、或無望或冷漠。我們需要「比我們更大」的東西，激發出敬畏之情，重新以一種自然主義的、經驗的、非宗教性的情操奉獻自己…”這是人的新形象。　　1969年馬斯樓發表一篇重要的文章：“Theory Z”，簡介如下：〔Z理論〕 6.最高實現的需求（超越性或靈性的需求） *Transpersonal 5.自我實現的需求〔Y理論〕 4.受人尊重的需求 Inter-personal 3.愛與隸屬的需求 Contra-personal 2.安全的需求 Intra-personal 〔X理論〕 1.生理的需求 *例如：超個人、超越、靈性、超人性、超越自我、神秘的、有道的、超人本、天人合一（東西方心理學之綜合）三、愛是成長共融的基礎和動力　　家庭的成長和共融是非常艱辛的。其實過去一世紀中，心理學本身的成長，經過四個階段也是非常艱辛的。　　第四波心理學──超個人心理學由自我進入宇宙，由有我到無我，由小我進入大我：由自我中心、自私自利、孤獨疏離、爭執衝突…進入一個一視同仁、憂戚相關、彼此尊重、接納、博愛、服務、公正、慈悲、合作、和平…的境界，所經過的旅程也是非常艱辛的。　　第四波心理學整合了前三波的優點，淘汰了前三波的限度：　　吸取第一波對潛意識和本能的體認，由動物化、機械化的化約論中走出，進入自我意識、自尊、自信、自由意志的肯定。　　吸取第二波對“條件反應（制約）”和環境影響的肯定，由決定論和舊物理論中走出，進入人的性質和創新能力的肯定，成為自己命運的主宰。　　吸取第三波人本論的積極一面，由個人的價值的肯定，進入團體動力──整體大於部份總和的瞭解，走向整合健康、自我犧牲、愛人如己的創新生活。　　超越前三波的第四波心理學使我們對人性和其動向有著全面和整體的認識，人基本上「屬於大我的一部份」，歸向大於我的新天地，肯定人有超越自我的能力和靈性的渴望和需求，這渴望和需求是我們參與「夫婦懇談歷程中」所經驗到的：自尊、自信、自愛、自我完成、自我鍛鍊、自我激勵、同理心、人際關係、彼此照顧、自我奉獻、自我超越…若我們能不斷學習（終身學習），我們一定會體會到馬斯樓所說的“高峰經驗”；若我們持之以恆，我們將在日常生活中體會到他所說的 “高峰經驗”。夫妻在這境界中，婚姻和家庭生活將不斷成長，彼此交融也越發深入與豐富，因為無私、無我、無條件的愛成為他們生命的基礎和動力。（參閱：若一4:7-8；羅8:26-27；迦5:16,22,25；格前12:13）信仰不是別的，是人性渴望與需求的圓滿。

新書介紹許王瑞昌前言：　　感恩節前幾天，與葡萄藤主編─鄭懿興姊妹聊天，她話題一轉，說圖書館最近到了一批新書，想叫我寫新書介紹，等於設一專欄將公佈於葡萄藤雙月刊上，提供兄弟姐妹們一部份精神食糧；我不自量力就允諾了，因為我為葡萄藤投稿已十多年了，實在江郎才盡，如此換個方式也好，還促使我不得不多看幾本書呢！主編知道這不是我一個人所能擔當的，於是她又另請一人，我想日後會有好的讀書報告介紹給大家，人常說開卷有益，若有習慣每月讀幾本書，絕對是好的，不管是靈修上的經典書，或者是勵志、寓言、小品、散文等。　　這一期因為時間倉促，僅將看過的兩本書推薦出來，那就是張春申神父著的「耶穌怎樣影響了人類」，它是一本超薄的書，內容僅有，耶穌是誰？耶穌創立的教會，耶穌與人類歷史，耶穌與中華民族前途──耶穌與華人等四篇。　　雖然教友們從聖經中早已認識了耶穌，但是這是另一種介紹，文字不多，可是很精華，尤其是耶穌與中華民族前途這一篇，值得讀者深思的。按張春申神父是一位有名的神學家，著作很多，常以精簡的小冊子提供給教會，都是字字珠璣。另一本是「改變一生的一句話」，是當代百位名家集著，都是短篇，執筆者寫出生命中最深刻的個人經驗和體悟，每個人奉行一生中的座右銘的一句話，使人看了有會心之處。其中有這樣的四句話即「知足常樂，能忍自安」、「謙受益，滿招損」與我的理念不謀而合，其他的雋永短文，皆是清心的，隨時受用，也可教育下一代。　　「改變一生的一句話」共有１、２兩冊，作者不同，是另一百名名家集作，他們的座右銘或許與你相遇，或許給你一個暮鼓晨鐘，請你看看就知道了。　　圖書館有很多好書，請大家踴躍借閱，在忙碌的生活中能停下腳步，閱讀幾本好書，會永駐健康的。

祈禱的饗宴 ──聖本篤祈禱法（節錄自耶穌會戴邁樂神父所著「與主接觸」）祈禱會　　這是源自聖本篤，一種利用聖經經文祈禱的方法，在教會已流行了數世紀，其特點是將聖經經文融於祈禱中。這種方法對於祈禱時容易分心卻又無計可施的人而言，尤其有效。　　本篤祈禱法分三個步驟：閱讀、默想、祈禱。第一個步驟是閱讀，從聖經或靈修書籍中選一段反覆閱讀，直到其在你心中濃縮為一句祈禱詞（句）為止。舉例而言，假設你讀的是若七37-38：　　在慶節末日最隆重的那一天，耶穌站著大聲喊說：「誰若渴，到我這裡來喝罷！凡信從我的，就如經上說：從他的心中要流出活水的江河。」反覆讀了幾次之後，句中的「從他的心中要流出活水的江河」在你心中突顯，此時即可停止閱讀，向前推進至第二步──默想。　　在此，默想須借用人的口舌，而非心，默想不是省察，也不是漫無目標地想，而是反覆誦讀剛才給你最多感受的那句經文，默讀或出聲讀都可以。在反覆誦唸的同時，也默想其中的涵義，細細品味。當你反覆地唸，一直到唸出這句經文的味道與香氣時，第二階段於此結束，而進入第三階段─ ─祈禱。　　當你反覆誦唸時，自然而然會到一個地步，你停止了誦唸，整個人安靜下來，思緒開始馳入所唸的經文中；此時就進入祈禱境界了。當下的你或會自然嘆曰「主啊！𣿫是向每一個人說話嗎？每一個人？不論是聖人或是罪人？那我必須滿懷信心來到𣿫台前。」或曰：「主啊，𣿫何其正確，當我渴時，唯𣿫有水如江河，我願常常投靠𣿫，這必會使我更快樂，主啊，我現在就來投靠𣿫。」或是：「主啊，我實在想不通，𣿫如何使我不再口渴，過去我也曾投靠𣿫，但我依然口渴。𣿫說這些話到底是什麼意思？告訴我。」或是如果你不想說什麼，就保持靜默，靜默在主的臨在中，讓主的話語浸透你的心靈，讓你自己憩息在說那些話語的主之臨在中。

The greatest thing I've ever been a part of George Chang God has blessed me from the very beginning of my life by giving me a wonderful family to be born into. There was my dad, my mom, my grandma, my aunt, and there was Grampa Hsiao. I would like to tell you about Grampa Hsiao. Grampa Hsiao has been our family's housekeeper for almost 50 years. He is a very kind man from whom I received a lot of love. Fond memories of my childhood include having Grampa Hsiao take me to and from school on his bicycle and having Grampa Hsiao take me to 7-11 to buy hot dogs. Grampa Hsiao's cooking is the best, and he is one of the smartest people I have ever known! Even though we are technically not related, he loves me like I am his own grandson and I love him like he is my own grandfather. When my family moved from Taiwan to Dallas in 1984, Grampa Hsiao was not invited to come with us. I could not understand why my family did not love Grampa Hsiao as much as I did. Our family abandoned him even though he has given most of his life to helping us. When we moved to America, we left him in Taiwan by himself. Since moving away from Taiwan, I have thought about Grampa Hsiao everyday. Needless to say, I miss him very much. I would write him letters and send him home-made cassette tapes so he can hear my voice. I would mail him gift packages filled with American snacks. Grampa Hsiao's favorite is the Alpha-Bets cereal. My family returned to Taiwan in 1988, and Grampa Hsiao picked us up at the airport. I was very excited to see him. We visited Grampa Hsiao's new home, and it was strange to see him living without us. We celebrated his 70th birthday with him during that time. Grampa Hsiao would sleep over in our hotel sometimes, and I would make sure we were roommates. A few years later, Grampa Hsiao decided to come visit us in Dallas! Waiting for the day of his arrival brought me tremendous happiness. We were going to be roommates again, and I would eat his delicious cooking again. I had planned to take him to my school and show him the parks and malls. On the day before his departure, Grampa Hsiao suffered a stroke. He was in mainland China at the time and collapsed while brushing his teeth. We had very little information on him because it was difficult to get information from China. I worried fevorishly about Grampa Hsiao's health. In the back of my mind, I feared that I might never see Grampa Hsiao again. Many months passed before we were told that the stroke had paralyzed half of Grampa Hsiao's body. He had become wheelchair-bound. After a few more months had passed, we received news that Grampa Hsiao had returned to Taiwan and was living in the Army Veteran Nursing Home outside Taipei. I thanked God for this development. Finally in 1995, 7 years since the last time I had seen Grampa Hsiao, my whole family return to Taiwan again. On my 19th birthday, we went to visit Grampa Hsiao at the Veteran's home. I knew it would be a very special and emotional day for me, and I was understandably nervous. When we found Grampa Hsiao, he was asleep in his small bed. His appearance has changed a lot. He is much skinnier than before, and his body seemed a lot weaker. At that point, all the built-up emotions were too much to keep bottled up. I sat in his wheelchair and wept. It was both tears of joy and tears of sorrow. My sobbing woke him up. Needless to say, Grampa Hsiao was very shocked to see us and was moved to tears too. We spent the afternoon chatting with him, and I pushed him around as he sat in his wheelchair. We found a Catholic chapel in the Veteran's home, but that room is only open on Saturday mornings for Mass. Finally getting to see Grampa Hsiao was my dream come true! Since my 19th birthday, I have been back to Taiwan 3 more times. Ever since starting my job after college graduation, I have saved all my vacation to use during Chinese New Year to return to Taiwan. Many people think I go back at that time to get the red envelopes. But the truth is I go back then to celebrate Grampa Hsiao's birthday with him. His birthday is January 3rd on the lunar calendar. On Grampa Hsiao's 80th birthday, my aunt, a close family friend, and I took a mobile phone to the Veteran's home so he can talk to all our family and friends. We called Taipei, Dallas, and even Washington DC. Grampa Hsiao easily talked to 20 people that day. We bought a cake and sang him songs. Emotionally, it was a day filled with love and warmth! God was with us. My present to Grampa Hsiao was my wooden cross necklace. I had been wearing for a few months already. I told him that God loves him and when he wears the cross he will think of how much I love him. We agreed that when I visit him on his 81st birthday, we would switch back. After coming back from Grampa Hsiao's 80th birthday party, I started thinking about what I would give him for his 81st birthday. It quickly became obvious that the ultimate thing to do for him is to introduce the Catholic faith to Grampa Hsiao. I was very excited to realize this and for a whole year I prayed for the success of this big mission. When the time came, I returned to celebrate Grampa Hsiao's 81th birthday. However, I don't know how to introduce God to someone who does not yet believe. So on the way there I prayed to the Holy Spirit to guide me and make this trip successful. I kept repeating ‥You are in the drivers seat. Please use me as your tool.〃 From that point on, believe it or not, everything started happen in my favor. At the Veteran﹀s home, I found Grampa Hsiao. After embracing and talking for a little bit, I brought up the Catholic faith topic. I started by asking if he ever wondered what we did at church. He knows that my grandma and aunt had both recently been baptized and that my family is involved with church activities. We talked about many religious topics. I brought the textbook that I had studied for First Communion, and I read to him from that book. It explains many of the basic Catholic beliefs. To get some additional inspiration, I suggested that we sit in front of the Catholic chapel because we would be closer to God. Of course the door was locked because it was not Saturday. However, I really wanted to get in. I tried asking the security desk but nobody was there because it was Chinese New Year. Just when I thought that our seeing the chapel was not meant to be, a person walked by us, unlocked the chapel door, and went inside. For four years I have been trying to open the chapel door, but this is the first time I've seen it open. Talk about a sign from God! I felt God's definite presence and endorsement through these happenings. The person who opened the chapel door, named Grampa Shek, turns out to be a long time Catholic. He has been baptized for over 50 years! I introduced him to Grampa Hsiao, and Grampa Shek promised to visit Grampa Hsiao occasionally to talk our Catholic faith. At that point, I knew without a doubt that God was going to make my trip successful. So I asked Gramapa Shek for a key to the chapel so that I can take Grampa Hsiao there anytime I wanted. He only has one spare key and he trusted me with it even though he did not know me at all! After introducing Grampa Hsiao to the inside of the chapel and talking more about our faith, I finally invited him to get baptized. He said yes without hesitating. It was that easy. As I left that day, I thought about what had happened. When I arrived at the Veteran's home, I did not have anything. But, I leave with a key to the chapel and Grampa Hsiao's promise to get baptized. I was too shocked to fully feel the joy! I would visit Grampa Hsiao 3 more times after that day. Everytime I'd go, I would take Grampa Hsiao inside the chapel and talk to him about the Catholic faith. On February 9th, at 2:30 in the afternoon, Father Chen (the tall priest who was in Dallas in the early 1990's) baptized Grampa Hsiao in that chapel. His baptismal name is Joseph. Grandpa Hsiao and I have always loved each other like family. Even though Grampa Hsiao and I cannot be in the same family on Earth, it is very fitting that we made sure we would both be in the same family in heaven -- God's family.